I wrote the first version of this blog in mid-September, starting out complaining that I have too many things to do and don’t find time to write. I was in “overload mode” because of all kinds of reviews and letters of recommendation I needed to send off. Such things can suck it out of you, so I wanted to write about the most important thing that helps me go through exhausting times (but then I had more things to do and left the blog unfinished …).
So, second try. To be clear, the point of exhaustion is never only personal. You might think that academia is a cozy place, but there is a structure of escalating demands of all kinds. Here in Florida, we can now be fired post-tenure if we do not keep up with all of this. The most nerve-racking task is to comply with countless political directives issued by the legislature or governor (too many to go in detail here, but the point is to keep us busy and away from cooking up leftist conspiracies). On top of this, world politics. I am deeply, deeply concerned about the people in Palestine, specifically Gaza, the Israeli hostages, now the people in Lebanon, the people in Ukraine, Sudan, and Myanmar. Finally, I am writing this as the university is closed because of hurricane Milton (which luckily, did not hit us). We were also not affected by hurricane Helene less than two weeks ago, but so many in northern Florida, Georgia, and the Carolinas lost everything. I just wish that we, as the intelligent human species that we are, could work harder to create a lifestyle that does not exacerbate these natural disasters. And don’t let me get started on the November elections (which could become another kind of hurricane, as a friend aptly commented).
To get back on track: when things are tough, what keeps you going? I recognize I am blessed with a life free from big catastrophes, and many things play into that, like economic stability. But what has really kept me going, all along, are the women in my life, the gifts they have given me, the networks of support they have created. Yes, there have been important men as well, but today, I turn the spotlight on the collective avalanche of energy, joy, support, and love that I have received, throughout my life, from many fabulous women. Here go my highlights. Keep reading, you might recognize yourself.
The first ones
There are the women who have been with me from the beginning. My mom is the first, and I sung her praise already in a different post. My sister is the second: you are my anchor, and you make me feel at home anywhere. I get so much from your warmth and the creative, joyful life you live in company with others and in support of a better world.
Next are my early friends and family. I am grateful for those who have stayed with me for a long time, through ups and downs, intensities, phases of drifting apart, and rapprochements. A, with you I first discussed “real problems”. While mostly living apart, we have shared and compared big and small life events. Your (our) dry humor has often been a lifesaver, especially when things were not so rosy. B, you have always been a source of cosmic life-energy to me, an energy that I myself do not always feel connected to. Thank you for your immense powers of love and healing. C, I sometimes wonder if you benefit as much from our deep bond as I do. Your contribution to balancing me in my transnational life is immense. I hope I can be there for your when you need me. D, I cherish our annual walks through the woods, your connection to the non-human world, your joy for things right in front of you, and your courageous dealing with vulnerabilities. I take a deep sense of peace and gratitude out of our encounters. E, with your charm, energy, and spontaneity you walked into our family, shook it up, and remained part of it. Those bonds make us feel at ease when we meet after long times of separate ways, and they bring me immense joy. F, speaking of family: your hospitality, optimism and pragmatism give me a feeling of strength and confidence that I take home with me after visits and that helps me to confront my daily life challenges in good faith. G, you embody our wider family for me. I see you conscientiously and lovingly carrying on our ancestors’ work of bringing us together. Thank you for that.
Sharing college and discovering the world
I moved on from home and was lucky to weave important emotional connections during my student years in three German and one Basque cities. H, our friendship was intense first and then got loose over time and distance. We managed to find together again, in joyful encounters on both sides of the Atlantic, due to your great hospitality and sense of friendship. I, your passionate sense of justice, contagious energy, and strength in difficult times will always light my fire. Our first encounter was in faraway lands. Since then, we have met to talk, laugh, cry, dance, argue, and be together in silence. J, I don’t see you often but feel the connection. I met you far away from home, in a different country and language, and you will always shine for me as a woman who, just like that, gifted me with unconditional friendship.
Being politically active was a formative part of my student life, and some of my lasting friendships originate in this activism. I met you, K, while we were figuring out who we wanted to be, and we did lots of organizing together. Decades later, phone conversations with you continue to enlighten me as we deal with the political and personal questions of the day. L, we also met doing political work, bonded over having our hearts broken in similar ways, and just enjoyed each other’s company. Your presence in my life is a ray of golden sun! Keep up your openness towards the world. M, so many joyful collaborations. You are smart, brave, and have a big heart. To me, you were a role model, and I might not have chosen the academic path without you. Thank you for making me understand that a university career must have communal benefits.
In times of loneliness, there were angels who picked me up. Living together with you, N, was profoundly comforting. You asked me about the death of my father and really wanted to hear the story. From the start, you have offered me trust, honesty, and hospitality. With you, I feel young, grounded, and in sisterhood. O, you took me by your hand in a new place and shared your friends and favorite pass times with me. I will always be in awe about your fearless embrace of the world and your no-apologies approach to realizing your dreams. P, my former neighbor and sparkling friend! Your creativity, musicality, and gumption have inspired me, and I have learned from you – with you – to be uncompromising about the good things in life.
The transatlantic leap
Then came my transatlantic leap as a young professional and a single mom. It was hard, to a breaking point, and it might not have worked. Q, the way you were there for us in any possible way when we came to your (adopted) part of the world is something I had never experienced and will never forget. Also, you are scarily bright – I get the world out of our conversations. R, we share the joy of seeing our kids grow up together and I am happy we keep in touch across distance. Conversations over dinner, swimming in the lake, garden parties – you are the queen of networking. I am grateful to be part of that fabric of friends. S, my kindred soul away from home! Your passionate love for live is contagious. I have loved to discuss, laugh and hike with you, read your work, and see your unique contribution to this world. Stay edgy and keep questioning the annoyingly conventional. T, when we moved again, you were there for us as a friend to share good experiences, especially cultural events, and to laugh away the things that made life frustrating. Your love for community, beauty, and life in all forms is a constant inspiration.
My brilliant role models, mentors, and professional friends
On my professional path of growth, there were so many brilliant women. Some have showed me the way, others have walked with me. U, you were my first intergenerational friend. Your gift of listening to younger people with engaging curiosity has made me feel seen. Your interest in everything, especially travel and other life adventures has granted us countless hours of cherished conversations. V, I met you as a fun, energetic, no-nonsense co-worker. I am so glad we keep in touch, and I am particularly inspired by the way you organize your life in retirement – I will emulate the many travel and other projects with friends and acquaintances. W, without your guidance, would I have made it in academia? You gave me the self-confidence I needed. Your thirst for knowledge creation has inspired many, and I am forever grateful that you combined it with generosity, humor, and a good portion of faith in humanity. X, from you I learned so much of what I find important for being a decent academic. You are a shining star, and at the same time, an avid networker, a nurturer, always interested in what others have to say, and you are also REALLY funny. Y, you are a transnational feminist activist who has changed the world. I am grateful to have learned from you and deeply admire your sharp analysis, boundless generosity, and hope for humanity. You keep inspiring me. As this is the last letter of the alphabet, ZZZ, you are three wonderfully inspirational sister feminists engaged in public intellectual work, activism, and scholarship. How you do it all, I don’t know, but you influence a variety of people in different parts of the world. Your passion, dedication, honesty, and respect for yourself and others is what we need to push this world in the right direction.
And some new seedlings!
I don’t blame you if you could not get through all of these. But honestly, it is an amazing feeling to realize the many people on which you rely in your life, who keep you going, and I have left out quite a few. Let me also add that out of such nurturing networks, new seedlings are growing. During the summer, I met a former student who is now successfully employed, and she told me in humbling detail how much she benefitted from my mentoring. Finally, when I see my daughter grow into an awe-inspiring young woman, it is hard to believe and immensely gratifying that I played a part in her becoming this person.
So, to conclude: SEE your supporters. It will make you glow from within!
PS: When I was marveling about what kinds of visuals to use for this blog, I remembered that I asked the artist Fehmi Baumbach to get permission to use one of her pieces for my book cover. I use it here again because to me, it visualizes being connected. Check her out, she is so creative!
PPS: I added several of you as subscribers to this blog, it makes things easier for me. Send me a short message if you want to be taken off again.
The common sense feminist 